About Us Stories from the farm

     My first day at the farm started out well. Ray was taking me out on the horses to inspect some stock. It all sounded fun and not too nerve wracking. I should have known better. Although the horse was a 'quiet one', I couldn't steer or stop her and she leapt violently over every drainage ditch we came too so as not to get her feet wet. So by the time we headed back towards the farmhouse after a marathon session of this, I was very grateful to be nearly home, as my arms and rear end were aching.

     On the way home through the paddocks, we came across a red and white cow, who's rear end would have been aching much worse than mine, as two large white baby hooves were poking out from under her tail, and she was in obvious distress. 'We'll have to get her in and pull the calf,' declared Ray, 'so go up there and open the gate, and whatever you do don't let her run down the hill towards the creek!' Feeling extremely inadequate, I headed up the hill and as I couldn't make the horse stay still to open it from her back, I had to dismount. Afterwards, I hopped around furiously for a minute or two, the horse walking in circles, before I could get back on. Wondering how in hell I was going to stop the cow running the wrong way, I moved away from the gate, sweat trickling down my back. If I had to chase the cow, I know I couldn't stop or turn around! It was going to be ugly.

     After all my stress and worry, the cow trotted meekly through the gate, and Ray leaned expertly from the saddle and had the gate chained up in a jiffy. How easy he made it look! Without too much trouble, the cow proceeded down the road to the cattle yards, and in the gate to the yard. I heaved a sigh of relief. After tying up my horse, I went over to watch Ray. He had the cow in the crush and an iron bar across behind her. He pulled the hooves out a bit further and they came out with a sucking sound. Ray secured the ropes above the first joint. 'Come here Jenny!' he yelled, 'I need you to come here and put pressure on this rope.' The slimy, poo covered rope looked foul, but I crept into the yard, trying not to get my white sandshoes dirty in cow pats. By this time, Ray had the rope extended over another steel bar, and was winding the rope on with a kind of crank shaft. I stood there wishing I was somewhere else, because I had a dreadful feeling that this was going to be really ugly!

     'I want you to put weight on the ropes there!' Ray instructed, and pointed at the ropes coming out of the cow, covered in blood and fluids. I didn't want to appear totally pathetic, so I gingerly tried to press down with the smallest part of clean skin possible. Ray was straining and pulling and the cow was straining and pushing but the calf would not budge.

     'Jenny, get on those ropes and put all your weight on them!' Ray ordered, 'or the calf will die, and probably the cow too, if we don't get it out!' I tried pushing, I tried leaning on them, and before a minute was over, I found myself virtually sitting on the ropes, bouncing up and down, all thoughts of cleanliness forgotten. The calf's head slowly, slowly began to make an appearance. We were covered in goo, soaked in sweat and you can be sure those shoes of mine would never be white again! Finally the calf's head popped out, and with a loud groan from the cow, Ray and myself in unison, the monster calf hit the ground with a tremendous 'splat', shooting a slimy mixture of blood, mud and poo all over me!

     I stood there, feeling exhausted and dripping goo, while Ray pulled the sac from the baby's head and made sure he was breathing. The calf was enormous, with legs like iron bars. 'Let's call him "Iron Bar Bassey" after the old time weight lifter,' I panted.

Ray stood up and grinned. 'Well, it's a good thing the calf was an easy pull!' Seeing the look on my face, he ran away laughing, and I took off in hot pursuit. It was going to be ugly.           Jennifer Armstrong